Cold Blankets
by yuukeroo
Summary: Both Rin and Miku's blankets were cold in the wake of the others absence.


The words had actually left her mouth. Rin was surprised they did, if she was being honest with herself. After months of convincing from her twin brother Len to tell her crush how she felt, she'd finally caved and confessed. She'd told her best friend that she loved them. She told Hatsune Miku that she _LOVED _her. Rin wasn't sure what she was expecting to get in response. Maybe a kiss, maybe a slap. Maybe a comforting but rejecting hug, or maybe silence mixed with confusion. But what she got was wide teal eyes staring at her in shock, perfect pink lips parted slightly. Her friend was shaking just so, and her eyebrows furrowed a bit.

Rin really wished she'd just gotten a slap instead, so she wouldn't have to see the love of her life staring at her with mild disgust and a boat-load of shock written on her face. She wished her friend had just walked off so she wouldn't have to be looked at like a stranger by someone who's known her for 6 years. She desperately prayed that Miku would change her expression, whether it be to one of anger, guilt, regret, or joy, just so she wouldn't be giving her that look, as if to say 'where has my friend Rin gone?'

In that moment, Rin just wished she could curl up and dry heave herself into oblivion. She prayed that she'd wake up and be laying next to Miku at one of their weekly sleepovers. She hoped this was just a dream and this all too familiar ache in her chest would disappear along with her as a whole. She wanted to disintegrate. She wanted to curl up. She wanted to die.

Besides, why would she want to live? The girl she loves, her best friend, her source of joy and comfort was looking at her not just as if she was a stranger, but one who tried to mug her or something. She was staring at her like she was nothing, or wasn't who she practically grew up with. Sure, Rin would always have Len but it wasn't the same. He didn't provide her more than a shoulder to cry on, or a few pats on the back. Miku gave her that, along with encouraging words and light kisses on her forehead. The tealette meant more to her than she's ever known, and ever will know. Rin knew that. She knew that, but what was the point of falling in love when in the end, she's left alone with this unbearable feeling of rejection.

The blonde opened her mouth to say something, but snapped it shut when she felt tears leak out of her blue orbs and down her face. She hadn't even been aware of the stinging beads forming in the corners of her eyes, as she'd been too caught up in the burn in the pit of her stomach.

Unknown to Rin, Miku wasn't looking upon her friend with disgust. No, not disgust, but Rin was correct for thinking that Miku was surprised. She was. Probably more surprised than she ever had been in her life. But she wasn't upset. She was just… confused. Why would Rin like her? Miku herself knew she was nothing special, so why would someone as fun and bombastic as Rin like her? Not that she was complaining, though; she was just a little shell shocked. Kagamine Rin, her young, wild, carefree, assertive, playful, video-game loving best friend loved plain-Jane, simple, sweet, nice, kinda, average, 'smile-for-the-camera' Hatsune Miku.

Something about that made Miku feel as though she was taking advantage of her younger friend. The taller girl knew that Rin deserved a far more and certainly far more interesting boyfriend. Or, Miku supposed, that after this confession, she meant _girlfriend_. Either way, whether the blonde liked girls, boys, both, or other, Miku would always love her… the thing was, she'd love her as friend. And _only _that. And it made Miku feel guilty as hell.

Why couldn't same-old Miku love happy-go-lucky Rin? Especially if Rin loves her? Miku had been pondering this and other 'why' questions since those words spilled from Rin's lips earlier: "I… Miku… just listen okay? Don't interrupt me 'til I'm done. I don't want you to say something and knock down my confidence to tell you. You can't do that to me, Mickey. Okay? You can't. I've waited so long- _too _long- to tell this to you. So I need to do this before it starts killing me even more than it already has been. I don't think- no, no, I _can't _take this anymore. I need to say it. So I'm going to. I- uh… Miku. I love you. I… I have, I guess… since, well, I don't know when but it doesn't matter 'cause I _do_. I love you."

After that heartfelt confession, Miku wasn't sure why she was holding back. She was so confused. Not just about why she couldn't feel the same way about someone as important to her as Rin, but how could the bow clad even know what love is at the young age of fifteen? Seventeen year old Miku never even felt such a strong feeling. But… maybe that's why. Maybe that was why Miku understand. Maybe she _did _love Rin, but since she never felt is 'love' and is less accepting and more naive than her friends, she didn't know that what she felt for Rin was just that.

The thoughts had clouded her mind, however, and her features began to have some sort of melt down, her face contorted and Miku saw it. She saw tears. Not from her own eyes, but they filled with them after seeing the sight before her: Rin was crying. Something the girl rarely, if _ever _did. The twin Kagamine girl was like teflon; she never let anything stick to her. Nothing anyone said to her made her flinch or brought down her mood. Nothing ever happened that was enough to cause her to break or get upset, especially not in front of others. Not in front of strangers, friends or family. Not even in front of a mirror when the only person who has the opportunity to judge her is herself.

But here she was.

The great and mighty Rin was crying.

Because of Miku.

And it absolutely _killed _her.

So she snapped out of it.

Miku whipped the expression off her face and looked at her friend with a pained expression. Rin let out a choked sob Miku had never heard before, and it was far more depressing than she had ever imagined.

"Rinny…" Miku took a step forward and reached out to her friend just as Rin stepped back and looked down, squeezing her eyes shut and gnashing her teeth together. Her bangs flopped forward and covered her face, making the situation almost even more painful for both girls.

"Rin… I-I'm sorry. Please, don't cry. I'm not worth it."

_"Don't you get it!?"_ Rin's voice was louder than she intended for it to be, but she didn't care. She didn't care about the shocked expression on Miku's face, or the fact that anyone two stories down the building on the ground could hear her. "You don't, _do you_!? You _are _worth it, okay!? You are literally worth everything to me! Everything I have, everything I've ever had and ever will means nothing to me because I have, had, want, _WHATEVER_, you! But… but you're being too IGNORANT to UNDERSTAND that and now I… I don't know what to do…" Her voice slowed down and her tone dropped to being just above a whisper.

"Now I don't know what to do…" she continued. "I don't know what to do, and I don't know what to do with _myself_. I don't… I just... M-Miku… what do I do? I don't know…"

The older girl literally could _hear _her own heart _breaking_. It was painful.

"I-I don't know either Rin. I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say to you… but, you have to know, okay? I do love you. I love you so much too, but I can't love you like that. I don't know why. I'm sorry. But this won't change how I look at you. Please don't let this change anything between us."

They stayed in silence for a while, the only sound being Rin's breath as she tried to control it, heavily sucking it in and out through her teeth. She was shaking at this point, the palm of her hands pressing against her eyes in an attempt to reign in the salty water spilling out of them.

Then the door to the school rooftop clicked open.

"Hey, Rin, I figured you'd be up here, ooooooh…" The identical blonde boy froze in realization. "Uh, heh… hi? So um, Rin, I uh… hi?"

Miku flicked her eyes back to Rin, then to her other best friend several times. Rin was practically hunched over at this point, and Len stood awkwardly against the door. He leaned on it to keep it open and puckered his lips, his eyes moving everywhere but to the two girls.

Miku sighed after a minute passed, sagging her shoulders and slowly picking up her bag from her feet. She hesitated for a moment and reconsidered leaving as she looked at Rin's troubled state, but the blonde didn't seem to want her company at the moment, and Miku could definitely see why. So who better to stay with Rin than her own twin brother?

Sighing and dragging her bag across the roof, Miku stopped in front of Len and only then did a tear fall.

"Please take care of her, okay?" Miku asked, only leaving after Len's eyes widened and he nodded rigidly.

The older girl refused to look back, even after Rin's breathing could no longer be heard, and the heavy metal door shut with a startling _'BOOM'_. Miku allowed tears to fall freely down her face and off her chin, some rolling down her neck, causing her to shiver as she made her way down the narrow staircase and down to the second floor of the school building.

She exited out into the gymnasium, dragging her teal flats along the floor, her head sagging and she tried to wrap her head around this. She felt surrealy dead and empty inside after the revelation. She wasn't aware of Gumi pausing from her private basketball game in the large room to holler at her and wave. No, Miku didn't notice. She just kept walking leaving a confused Gumi, who shrugged her shoulders and continued playing after Miku left the gym.

The Hatune girl did not know where she was wandering, but soon she was roaming the hallways of the freshman wings. The skin around her eyes was drying and staining with salt and stung a little, but she didn't care.

She stopped on impulse halfway through the empty hallway. She craned her neck and let her eyes fall on the blue metal locker that belonged to Rin, the locker that belonged to her two years prior back when she was 15, just entering her sophomore year. Now, though, she was 17, having turned the age last month, and was in her junior year of high school, which meant her locker was upstairs now.

The blue locker was almost too much for Miku, and suddenly she cried out as if she'd been kicked, turning and falling to the ground against Rin's locker. She pulled her knees to her chest, burying her face between them and soaking the kneecap of her leggings. The cool metal barely bothered her and soon warmed up due to her body heat, and for some reason Miku cried harder. Locker 413. What was hers is now Rin's. Her heart was once her own, but now... did Rin have it? Did Miku want her to have it?

She wasn't sure how long she was there thinking about her current situation, but when she left the school building, the sun was no longer setting as it had been when Rin confessed. The shy wasn't pink and orange anymore, and the air wasn't cooling down. It was dark now, and the sun was gone and the world felt cold and Miku wished that she was home in the safety of her sheets.

-Mikin-

The next morning, Rin woke up in a tangle of orange sheets, Len on her left side, one arm draped under her hip, the other on his chest. For a moment, the girl wondered why her brother didn't sleep in his own bed across from her own, until she remembered the events that transpired the day before.

Sadly, the ache in her chest immediately returned upon remembering the sting of rejection, and she shook away any tears beginning to build in her cyan eyes.

She smacked her mouth, cringing at the bitter taste in her mouth and rolling out bed, tripping over herself to the bathroom. She lazily smeared toothpaste on her brush, wetted it, and dragged along her teeth, spitting only when the foam began to spill. Rin grabbed the mouthwash next to the sink and took a large gulp as if it was a bottle of whiskey, not bothering to use the cap like she was supposed to.

Once her mouth was as clean as she cared for it to be, Rin trudged back into her and her twin's bedroom, eyelids drooping and located the spiky haired boy who was now up and looked to be done changing into his school outfit for the day.

Right.

School.

With Miku.

It was gonna be a _looooooong _day.


End file.
